Religious Views.

Last winter was a tumultuous time for my views on religion, spirituality, and the experiences I've had with the creator. So much so that for a few months I was secretly an atheist(as opposed to an a/theist, which I will expound upon more later). This was the result of much deep questioning and soul searching that we all go through. Throughout this experience I immersed myself in apologetics, trying to hold onto whatever sand my faith was. I was quite the well read lad, but there was still so much that I could not answer. But I had to have the answers. Because without them there was nothing for me to grasp. Though at the time I wasn't ready to admit that there really wasn't anything for me to grasp. In reality, it was because I felt that God was simply turning into a fairy tail.

After a long journey throughout the course of this spring and summer, I came to many startling conclusions about who I am, what I believe, and why I believe it. This right here is a loose 'statement' of my soul. You could say it's much more of a look through a window into my soul.

Please note before reading that most of what I read has little or nothing to do with what it is that I now 'believe'. The vast majority of it was trying to cover up my disbelief.

First I am an a/theist.

Not an atheist, that was so last year.

An a/theist.

There is quite the difference.

Confused? Probably.

A few months ago I had the privilege of sitting down with Peter Rollins. Pete leads an experimental church that meets at a pub in Northern Ireland. He's also a brilliant philosopher. Throughout this conversation we talked much about the nature of God. The conclusion came down to this(as my friend Josiah and I coined) =:"Once you have your belief in God set in stone you have created an idol." Why do I say this? Because each time I have found someone(myself included) who has insisted that they 'have God down', there is an arrogance that follows.

Pete Rollins wrote a book along these lines. Though I have yet to read it, one of the quotes echos these sentiments:

"This faith-filled atheism is one which understands that the God we worship is bigger than our imaginings.
At the heart of fundamentalism lies a categorical rejection of this atheism, for the fundamentalist within us all resolutely affirms that our belief in God is a true reflection of what God is really like--that God is on our side. By failing to embrace this atheism, our faith becomes arrogant, narrow-minded and proud. To combat this, we must regularly remind ourselves that we are limited, finite individuals who cannot fathom the deep wells of God. We must embrace that atheism which is born, not from a lack or a rejection of faith, but rather form the heart of faith: an atheism that rejects our understanding of God precisely because it recognizes that God is bigger, better and different than we could ever imagine." (pp. 100-101)

In the Exodus narrative, God revels god's name to Moses, after Moses asks what name he should use for God when the Israelites as who sent him. Within ancient middle eastern religions there was a myth in which god had a secret name, which only god knew. When God revels god's name to Moses, it isn't Bob, or Fred, Sally, whatever you want to say. It was simply I Am. I Am who I Am , to be more exact. God replied to Moses simply saying "Tell them the I am who I am has sent you." Interesting. God does not give a finite name. God simply says 'I am who I am'. Nothing at all finite about that answer. The bible also talks in the book of Job of God's ways being much more beyond our ways. We cannot begin to fathom them.

A/theism for me is not a rejection of belief. To Derrida, it is 'running the risk of being a radical atheist.' I can say that I have had all the most astounding religious experiences as I want. However, they can be explained away like the rest of the world. I believe in God, but I do not believe in a white bearded man throwing thunder bolts down. Even then, I cannot define what it is that I believe about God. I simply can listen to the beating of my own heart and ask myself whether this is an echo of a voice much quieter then my own.

Secondly I am a Humanist.

A conservative somewhere just crapped a brick in shock. You did read, and reread it right.

I would argue that humanism is quite hard to pin down. But I do enjoy Kurt Vonnegut's image of one who strives to be good without hope for a reward.

In the movie Pay it Forward, a young boy creates a Utopian experiment in which he does a good deed for 3 people, they in turn do a good deed for three more people, and so on and so forth. None of these people hope for a reward , they simply do good because good had been towards them first.

This is what kind of humanist I am. I am doing good because of good done for me.

Which brings me to my final and most important thought.

I am a Christ Follower.

I have read the sermon on the mount more times then I can count. Meditated on it. Wrote about it. Tried to live it out. And the more and more I read it, the more and more I see a perfect world being born. This world is called the Kingdom of Heaven.

The person of Jesus absolutely astounds me. He is why I consider myself a humanist. He(and other followers of his) did good towards me. This changed something inside of me and I cannot go back. I must do good now. Not to say I am a perfect person what so ever, I am far from it. However I wish to follow the change inside of me to whatever end it brings. I am not in it for the reward. I am in it because the love propels me. I love him because he first loved me.

To me, Jesus is the answer and all the more questions to my a/theism. He is the God put into the Jewish perspective. And thanks to a few followers of his, put into my perspective. Jesus is God incarnate. Bold statement I know. But Jesus is someone I cannot put aside. He's too big and inspiring to simply be a mere man. I don't where else to go with this one. However, I question history constantly. And with Jesus, I run all the more risk of becoming a radical atheist. But I am fine with this when it comes to Jesus.

I know that this will be too short, and not very in depth for many people. There will still be many unanswered questions. Hell, I won't be able to answer most of them. But I'm fine with that. I'm not trying to make an argument that you need to believe and behave this way or that. I'm simply wanting to answer 1 or 2 of the big questions from over the years.

Be blessed.