From Justice to Belief

I promised to myself that I would always be truthful about my emotions. So here I am going to be honest with the world.

For the past few months I have been happy with who I am becoming. I like where life is headed. There seems to be an odd misconception in American Christianity that if you are happy you are probably not in God's will. Maybe we think this because we don't want the youth to simply feel good, but to be good. Now I must take a good hard look at who I am beginning to become and ask myself how this is being good.

These past few weeks where rough for me. I did something that drugged me into something I am not.

I joined the American Political conversation. It simply became about me and my views. Trying to shove them down someone's throat was my absolute goal. Being good was no where on my radar.

This shows in a letter that has been sitting on my night stand. It is a letter from Compassion International informing me that my payment info was incomplete. And honestly I haven't cared much to respond to it. I've been going back and forth with them since July, waiting to be able to sponsor a child in South America. One letter was lost in the mail, and the other was incomplete. I'm busy as hell, and forget things easily. But this time I have no excuse.

So I need to honestly repent about this. Turn face and walk towards living justly. I admit that i haven't been actually living. But simply thinking and theorizing about how to do things. How much do I really do this?

I don't know exactly where to head on life's journey. But I now truly realize that I need to strive to live justly. Not just in theory, but in reality.

I never knew that God existed before moments like these. Realizations that you can live for others. This is what makes us as humans unique. Not our thumb. It is the fact that we have compassion for those around us. To me this is how I know that God exists. It defies every theory and all logic surrounding the evolution of a species.

What if in all of us we really do have a devil and an angel warring over our souls. One is our animalistic tendencies, the other our God given nature. Such a bold move to say 'God given nature'. But what else is it? What is it that drives us to compassion? Was peer-pressure? If so, who did it start with, and what caused them to think like this? Is it all some giant conspiracy? If it was, would not it be all so obvious?

I cannot help but come to the conclusion that we are lost, wandering through a canyon and are hearing the echoes of our guides voice. He is calling us back to our camp. But maybe I'm completely off. Only God knows what God knows, and I want in on the conversation.