a/theism-god is a verb

I should have probably written and posted this over a month ago. However the tides of my life over the past month have been forceful. I've written a couple mediocre blogs attempting to express my 'belief' in g/d and have thus far failed miserably. I have simply come to a single conclusion that I don't think I shall ever stumble past without limping severely from this point on. Though, this may in fact be my limp. Here it goes...

I can no longer deny or accept the existence of a higher power. A deity you could call it. I cannot philosophically prove or disprove the existence. With each argument for comes an even greater argument against, and vice versa. But what about my experiences as a youth? Many times have I heard it said that no one can take away your experience. To an extent this is true. However, how we perceive that experience may not necessarily be the truth of the matter. None the less, I cannot deny the otherwise completely unnatural occurances in my life. But at the same time I feel that I can.

There is quite the tension within me in which I want to deny the very existence of God yet at the same time uphold my beliefs within god. It is a battle between the fundamentalist and the atheist inside of me. There is no adequate way in the English language to put the beauty and pain that comes from this tension. For me, this is simply stating that I don't know. I don't have any straight forward answers about God because god is so huge. 

Still I'm not even comfortable with this position. I so badly wish that I could have a genie in a bottle that would be easy to explain. I feel like that is what God is to so many people. This is comfortable ground to rest on. We can understand the universe and easily deal with tragedies, complexities, and all the contradictions that come with life. The hip thing for me to say at this point would be "I don't feel comfortable with the cookie cutter God". What a load of crap. No, we do all feel comfortable with this God. There is safety with choosing this kind of a deity. But it is all simply an illusion. I will gladly partake in the opiate of the masses before I admit to the harsh reality that the universe is a cold dark place filled with pain and chaos. God is a coping mechanism in this world.

However in truth, god is not any of this. The reality of our security blanket is that there is no reality within it. God is not for me a mechanism that explains life away. God is the bringer of life in spite of the surrounding circumstances. God is the love that envelopes the world around me. I don't experience God like I do wikipedia. I experience God while hoping for a better tomorrow and having the faith that it will come. God is the drive behind that.

God is Love. 

Love is Action.

God is a Verb.

I can't know for sure until Kingdom come. And if I don't wake up when no trumpet sounds, well let's just say that I'm fine with the Love that has driven me to this point and is driving me beyond it.

It might be another month for all I know. But I will next move into "humanism" and how I have understood this to be.

Live Peace and Love Much

An Introduction to Religion: why I am the way I am.

It would be a lie if I where to claim that I am not religious in any sense of the imagination. Over the course of my life religion has played a great role in shaping who I am. Not long ago I posted a blog in which I attempted to explain my views clearly and in a compact manner. To my knowledge the intent has succeeded. However I myself do not feel that my thoughts on the manner where clearly defined. [Therefore] I wish to once again make an attempt to clearly define the many thoughts, experiences, and longings that radiate throughout my heart. 

One blog will not do that. So I have decided to discuss each core belief in different blogs, with this first one being a simple introduction.

How does one introduce their beliefs? Our beliefs are the result of experiences, heritage and our cultural reaction to the two(my thoughts, not necessarily reputable). Behind each of us is a long line of individuals who had their own experiences responded to by their own cultural responses to these experiences. We are extremely subjective individuals; made up of stories up stories. Each story we have existed within contains other characters who build the story and add dynamic. By other characters being a part of our stories we are effected by their stories. 

So what does this have to do with my beliefs? They are not necessarily my own. They are built up off of the story of my parents, the stories they come from, and my friends and the stories they come from. I did not simply sit in a dark room trying to figure out whether I exist or not. No, my beliefs(which make up a good portion of who I am) stem from many many different factors. The main factor of which that ties many of the stories that effected me the most together is the story of Christianity. 

Christianity is {quite possibly} the most embarrassing story to come from. When being truly honest with oneself, who could disagree? Some of the craziest nuts have associated themselves with the Christian religion. In all honesty, I try to avoid this term at all costs when it comes up in a conversation. It's not that I find it 'uncool' or 'irrelevant', I simply find many of those who associate themselves with this term 'uncool' and 'irrelevant'. But I shall not spend much time on this issue in this blog. Wait a few and you'll hear more of my thoughts on the Christian religion. Simply know that this is the story that has had the greatest impact on my life and I value it. 

I truly believe that in order to embrace who one truly is, one must embrace the truth of the stories that have impacted ones life. These next few posts will be a written expression of the truth that I have {thus far} found in life. It is incomplete, for I have only experienced two decades of life. That and God is quite big. There is a lot of living, and a lot of exploring left to do.

What I hope not to accomplish with these blogs are to write down a systematic 'this is the only way to think of things' theology. I have by no means systematically exhausted all means of knowing what it is that is true. Speaking of truth, this is a conversation about truth. It is not a debate about what truth is and isn't. Please sit back in your armchair with a cup of tea(because I love tea) and discuss what I have to say with me. If you do not have a blogspot, feel free to message me via facebook(I am assuming that those who read this have a facebook and are friends with me).

The three areas we will be discussing are what follows:

1) a/theism-Who/what is god? How does god relate to our lives? How do we know that god exists? How am I to experience god?

2) humanism-What is the difference between love and law? How does god relate to the are of ethics and morality?

3) Jesus-How does Jesus fit in with the following two areas? 

Sit back and enjoy. Do not expect these to be really academic, for I am not much of an academic person. I simply wish you to understand what it is that I have experienced. 

I feel as of late I have begun to find myself as of late. Since I have just written that my world will undoubtedly do a 180. But this I am fine with. Something inside of me has begun to change and move on forward. 

Why is this?

I have no idea. Life is crazy with twists and turns that shake your world. I so happen to be living in a moment of clarity and happiness. I believe this moment is coming about due to many different circumstances in my life. My job is great. I'm finally on good terms with many of my friends. And best of all, my parents have stopped giving me these weird looks! Yet through all this one thing is remaining constant. I am finally being honest with myself. Not entirely honest, that is a slow tedious process that takes a lifetime; yet I am being honest for once.

Life has also thrown a few great story ideas my way. I've written quite a bit of poetry, and two full short stories(though they are both about to undergo editing). The novel ideas are still in the works and I don't expect anything to be completed for several years. But this is all the beginning of something new.

No real point to this blog. Laura just told me to write something.

Back on Track

...It's kind of like Stella getting her groove back...only my studliness is back in my strut...

I feel confident for some reason. Maybe it lay in what happened tonight. Whatever it was that occurred, I do believe that my inspiration may be back. At least somehow.

Let's all hope that I can maintain this.

Fear in the Tides of Change.

I'm not going to spend too much time on this because I honestly don't think it's worth putting too much effort into.

Today I read in the Star Tribune that a group is filing a law suit to try and block President-Elect  Obama from becoming the nations 44th president of the United States. The reason? This group claims that he is not even a natural born citizen, thus it would be unconstitutional for him to even become president. 

However just a few strokes on a keyboard, a few button clicks, and here you all go.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/citizen.asp

In fact here's his birth certificate.

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn227/Polarik/BO_Birth_Certificate.jpg

I don't know how to make them a link(I'm computer illiterate), but you can copy and paste.

Now days within conservative circles, many conspiracy theories are being brought up stating that someone or group, somewhere, is trying to undermine American values, destroy all religion, and ultimately set up a one world government in order to usher in Satan's domination of what God created. Somehow barring the teaching of evolution and making it illegal to even be gay is going stop this. Therefore, we must all become staunch Republicans and everything is going to be fixed, the anti-christ is not going to rise to power, and the entire world will follow our example or else we will bomb them back to the stone age.

This isn't anything new. Well the current action may be, but the idea behind it isn't new. Plain and simple, a group(in this case the religious right) is losing their power base. This leads to an inevitable question: Why? Why is 'our' group losing it's grip? Rather then face the light and see that our reality is subject to social and economic changes, it is much easier to blame someone else. Thus a conspiracy theory is born. Someone is doing something, somewhere, trying to undermine our values. We therefore must stand our group  and expose those who are responsible for our demise.

To be honest, I have no idea HOW conspiracy theories start (It would be amazing to meet the guy who came up with the idea for the Illuminati), but I do know why. Simply put, it's fear of the unknown. When something you've worked so hard to establish is suddenly obsolete, it's pretty easy to scapegoat someone else. 

I can understand. Really, it does feel like the foundations of the world are breaking. Let me assure you that they aren't. Everything is going to be fine. And let me tell ya, if you actually listen to those theories the femi-nazis are going to get us.

A Love Letter in the Making

I'm going to marry you someday. Or at least I plan on it.

Who is it that I am speaking to? I don't know. I may never know. Either way, I am making a promise. A promise that I am going to love you.  There isn't anything about me that is perfect. When you get down to the nitty grittiness of life, none of us are. We both will get angry, make mistakes, fight, say things that we don't really mean...I don't want it to happen, but we both know that it will. There are too many unfortunate realities in life. We are all damaged goods. However, I promise that the imperfections that smear both of us will not let me be blinded to the love that will(and I believe already is, regardless of the fact that I still don't know you)bind us together. 

I ask just one thing of you. Let me go. Some people are ever changing, constantly growing. Others eventually settle down. Neither is an evil. Both have ups and downs. I am one of those who is in perpetual change. I know that I'm still young and still discovering, but my heart keeps telling me that I am on a different journey. This isn't to boast about anything. I just know that I am different in a different way. The word content does not really exist to me. Maybe I am completely wrong. I sure don't know. Just pleas don't ever ask me to stay. If you someday believe me to be 'the one', then know that I will undoubtedly stay. Have faith. Okay, so that's two things in one I'm asking.

I'm not sure how to end this. Maybe you will read it, maybe not. I sure hope you do.

A Glutton In The Mirror

As of late I've been having many problems with the holiday season. 

At the moment I have just helped prepare a rather large feast, bought a cup of Starbucks, I'm listening to my Dad watch a football game(yes you can listen to someone watching any sports), and I'm curled up on my couch writing to you. 

Since I stepped foot outside of Starbucks roughly an hour ago I've been asking myself one thing: Is this all really worth it? Today and tomorrow are days where Americans all celebrate gluttony. Today we eat drink and be merry, and tomorrow we waste our paychecks on thousands of dollars worth of items that we don't need. Well I take that back, sometimes we do actually need a warm coat for this winter weather. We spend and we eat to our hearts content. All the while the vast majority of the world sits at our doorstep staring at us enviously. 

Why do I participate in it? Simply put, I don't know how not to. I was born into a middle class family. Life for me was spent worrying about things like 'what clothes I shall wear tomorrow?' 'does that girl think I'm cute?' 'where do I want to go out to eat?' All the while I am staring at the figures that make up my bank account wondering whether or not I'll be able to maintain the illusion that I'm living the dream perfectly. But I'm not. I haven't lost sleep over the hungary eyes staring at me. I have lost sleep because I am the one sheltered safely on the inside scarfing down as much as I can. 

Can I justify my life any longer while I spend my days contemplating the theories of socialism and communism? Can I maintain my composure any longer?

I don't know.

Your theory is not your faith, nor anything like it. Your faith is your obedience; your theory I know not what. Yes, I will gladly leave you without any of what you call faith. Trust in God. Obey the word-every word of the Master. That is faith; and so believing, your opinion will grow out of your true life, and be worthy of it. Peter says the Lord gives the spirit to them that obey him: the spirit of the Master, and that alone, can guide you to any theory that it will be of use to you to hold. A theory arrived at any other way is not worth the time spent on it. Jesus is the creating and saving lord of our intellects as well as of our more precious hearts; nothing that he does not think, is worth thinking; no man can think as he thinks, except he be pure like him; no man can be pure like him, except he go with him, and learn from him.-George MacDonald, Unspoken Sermons, Series III, Justice

"Today, there is an inescapable duty to make ourselves the neighbor of every individual, without exception, and to take positive steps to help a neighbor whom we encounter, whether that neighbor be an elderly person, abandoned by everyone, a foreign worker who suffers the injustice of being despised, a refugee, an illegitimate child wrongly suffering for a sin of which the child is innocent, or a starving human being who awakens our conscience by calling to mind the words of Christ: 'As long as you did it for one of these, the least of my brethren, you did it for me' (Matthew 25:40)"-St Elizabeth of Hungary